Tag: children

“You Can’t Sit Here.”

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I have friend’s who are married. Friends who are separated and friends who want a divorce. Friends who just had their first child after many years of not being able to conceive. Friends who are single (ME, that would be ME) and are waiting on their Unicorn. I have overly optimistic friends, “fake it until you make it” friends,”eeyore” friends, friends who always need a pick-me-up and friends who I can always count on to pick me up. These friends who I speak of all have one thing in common. They are my group of Women!

Want to know the one thing me and these women all have in common? WE ARE JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE & THRIVE! I never have fit in with those Mom’s who think they shit rainbows and fairy dust. Want to know the women I vibe with? Women who are real, who aren’t afraid to admit their kids are assholes, women who are vulnerable when needed. Women with backbones of steel who rise to slay. Women whose only judgment passed onto one another is whether our eyeliner from the night before is presentable for morning soccer matches. THESE ARE MY WOMEN. Empowering, nonjudgemental, real, raw, and effortlessly genuine.

I became a Mom at the age of 20 and struggled with finding “friends” who accepted me as I was. With a newborn, my parents who were married for 30+ years going through a divorce, my family divided, I couldn’t find a stable bone in my body, and I loved to party! Having a newborn and partying don’t mix right? Well, it was my coping mechanism. During this time I learned these “friends” I strived so hard to “fit in” with would not matter one bit to my 30 year old self. I wanted acceptance. I wanted to fit it. I wanted to be like the other girls. It wasn’t until many years later I recognized, I was not born to fit in! The 20’s are hard years. You are so unsure of yourself. You haven’t quite figured out where exactly you are supposed to fit in, who you are or who you were meant to be. It wasn’t until I was approaching 30 that I truly started to feel comfortable in my skin, my decisions in life, and the road I had begun to pave. It was nothing but a dirt road for almost a decade. The only pebbles on that road were from mud puddles that harden to replicate a rock, only to dissipate into dust.

Fastforward to 30 and WOAH! HELLO SISTER! I AM WOMEN, HEAR ME ROAR! I see so much beauty in women. We are a juggler of trades, we are CEO’s of our own committee, we are so many roles wrapped into one person. Yet, we doubt ourselves, we down our bodies, we don’t feel as if we are enough. Let me tell you! As women, YOU are more than enough. Our bodies MAKE HUMANS! Remember the saying “Lions, and Tigers, and Bears, Oh my!” That is us. That is a Woman. We are a lion, a tiger, and a bear. We are soft yet hard, sensitive yet aggressive, protectors, nurturers, shields and staples.

With this being said, do not walk into a room and wonder if the other moms will “like you.” Walk into that room and wonder if you will like them! As women, it is our job to empower each other, raise each other up, be raw with our struggles, promote one another, and push one another to be the best mom/person we can. When you’re out in public and see a Mom struggling with her small child or a teenager lagging behind her, give her a small smile and a three finger salute. As women, we should stick together, knowing we are all just trying to survive and thrive.

It’s taken me a long time to realize, I do not want to blend in a crowd. I do not care to sit with the Judgie Judys on the sidelines. I am not your Pampered Chef Paula, your DIY Brenda, or your Etsy Susanne. I have lots of tattoos, I cuss, and I give my children unlimited screen time while I work. I am a women who is exhausted, who’s kids are assholes (some days), and a mom who thanks the Lord above for whomever created dry shampoo. Trying to embrace life, one day at a time.

I do not want to sit with the mean girls! But you can always sit with me.

Single Momming So Hard

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We often hear about this thing called “work-life” balance. If you’re anything like me, Google is one of your best friends. According to Google, this Unicorn term is described as “Areas of life other then work-life can include personal interests, family and social or leisure activities.” So basically, you are supposed to balance living, maintaining social relationships, work, cleaning a home, feeding small children, exercise, mediate, and do fun things! Whew! WHO THE F ACTUALLY HAS TIME FOR ALL OF THIS?! If you’re anything like me, you struggle. I mean not just I burnt the toast struggle, but STRAIGHT STRUGGLE. Some days, I have to set an alarm to pick my kids up from school. Most days I roll out of bed 10 minutes before it’s time to leave the house. In fact, I’m currently sandwiched between two small beings writing this. So let me take the time to introduce myself!

My name is Anna. I have been a single mom since the ripe age of 20! Twelve years later, I have two boys and what do you know…STILL A SINGLE MOM! Apparently I didn’t get it right the first time so I decided the second time is a charm. WRONG! As if I didn’t get a full dose with the first, the second comes out like a banshee ready for war since day one. If you have multiple children I’m sure you have heard of the “second child syndrome.” I am here to inform you, this is NOT a myth. My first child was my saving grace, still is. He is a helper, emphatic, in tune with my emotions, quiet when needed, and truly my buddy. Could not do life without him. Fast-forward 8 years and the shit show starts. The second one was born a freaking viking, chiming in conversations before he could even talk, gets disgruntled when he lacks attention and is NEVER quiet. His name is such an oxymoron with quiet….Wyatt. So after both children I learned a few things. 1. I am in fact 100% done having children. 2. My taste in men SUCK. Like I will be a cat lady before I settle for another narcissistic man. 3. I am tired ALL the time. 4. Without those men and those children, I wouldn’t know strength.

So this work-life balance Unicorn word. Where is it? How do you get there? Where is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? When my youngest child, (you’ll often hear me refer to him as Wylin’ Wyatt) was six weeks old, I decided to go back to school. It was my 500th time trying, but I was determined to succeed. My life went from shenanigans to a complete shit show. I had a major meltdown in my friends yard one night after I felt “worthless” with two small children and no stability. I sobbed to her how I had wasted 28 years of my life. I was at rock bottom. Like an ostrich, I stuck my head in the sand and started working. Four and a half years later, one Associate degree under my belt, three weeks from obtaining a Bachelors, I understand it isn’t the hand you were dealt. It’s how you play those cards. People often ask me “how do you do it?” The truth is. I.DON’T.KNOW. What I do know is, you don’t ask how you’ll do it. You just do it! I forget my children at school, I feed them dry cereal for dinner, I don’t have much of a social life (its okay because I don’t like people), I cuss, I lock myself OUT of my house to get a breather. I have given each of my children fancy iPads to babysit them so I could study or write. I have been judged for not doing more with them. I feed my children McDonalds chicken nuggets that I’m sure are 120% artificial chicken (with LOTS OF GMOS).

Let’s face it. LIFE’S HARD. My decisions in MEN SUCK. SINGLE MOMMING IS INTENSE. But, at the end of the day….We’re happy, we’re a unit, we’re Ohana. So if you’re a single mom and you feel like you’re failing…pat yourself on the back girlfriend! We are all doing great at feeling like we suck.

To the single mom, to the mom expecting, the want-to-be moms who can’t conceive, the divorced mom, the mom on food stamps, the widowed mom, the separated mom, the married mom, the mom with too many children, the mom with good children and the mom with bad children. Give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack. Don’t worry about HOW you will do it. Because TRUST ME, YOU WILL DO IT! Work-life balance is a Unicorn, but YOU sister are wearing the horn!