Hi, I’m Anna! I am a single Mom turned Business women trying to survive with minimal under-eye baggage. In the midst of the mayhem, I try to ALWAYS find a silver-lining. If I can’t, I will ALWAYS have a great story to tell!
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If you are reading this, Congratulations! You have successfully escaped 2020 alive & well. So many lives were lost in 2020, so much division, so much of our American Constitution, which our Country was founded on, has been trampled on, ripped apart & despaired. Religion and politics have paved the way for further division. Unemployment rates are on the constant rise, mental health issues contributed to 8 in 10 people reporting issues with anxiety and/or depression. We haven’t even touched the topic of mental health in our youth! Because let’s face it, they are the REAL MVP’s throughout this pandemic. According to “Mental Health America,” adolescent depression accounts at an astounding 12.4% . (Our grandparents school war stories have nothing on what our children have wrestled with this past year!!) Let’s face it, since we were introduced to five UGLY letters (COVID) that would forever change our lives, it has been a complete SHIT.SHOW!! If you have followed my blog or read with me before, you know my life isn’t fairytales and sunflowers, (nor do I try to make it seem that way). Rather, rose bed thorns and sand spur fields. Which brings me to the primary purpose of bringing you here…
Does anyone own a flare gun?! I’ve lost my spark and could use a reignite.
As a female, we are emotional creatures (SURPRISE, SURPRISE). I am a person of reflection. I love deeply & I feel deeply. If something doesn’t sit well within my soul, I try to analyze my feelings to understand what exactly I am feeling, why, and how to overcome the emotion for spiritual & personal growth. I learned when my sister died that I was allowed to feel my emotions. They are YOURS! You are allowed to navigate grief, accomplishments, relationships, boundaries, and goals all on your own….because they are yours. As adults who are ever-evolving, we seek growth. Sometimes not knowing the process of growth. Growth is hard. (Ever met people who are doing the same thing since High School?! If growth was easy, you wouldn’t be referencing those people in your head right now!) 2020 taught me many, many things. I have never in my life lost so many relationships. I set out beginning 2020 like so many other people. Setting goals, writing them down, while beginning to implement courses of actions to lead me to self-fulfilling gratification. 2020 also reintroduced me to grief. Grief is like a giant dark thief of the night. No one wants to talk about it until you have experienced it yourself. Grief is part of growth. Grief of these lost relationships, past cycles, past routines, past memories, and sometimes….Grief of losing parts of yourself.
When you lose parts of yourself, it isn’t always immediately apparent. Have you ever met a busy-body? Someone who is a “tinker,” someone who constantly has to be doing things, constantly working, constantly avoiding their primary responsibilities? The inability to sit a while with yourself is a defense mechanism to avoiding just that, sitting with yourself. Avoiding self-reflection, avoiding sitting with your silence, when it isn’t silent.
As a single, working Mom….I will NEVER forget the day in March 2020 I got the call that school systems would be closing face-to-face interaction. I was driving home and had to pull over to calm my breathing, AKA…that phone call made me hyperventilate because part of my village was being taken from my family. Little did we know at the time, that one full year later, we would still be tackling this beast! Insert real, raw, transparent daily life along the way…..HOLY COW!!! Who would’ve thought being with YOUR own children 24/7 with very little village support would weigh so heavy on one person?! Ready for another boomerang….Starting a new career in the midst of it all, struggling to find your new tribe, losing countless relationships to betrayal (and hurt that is all so familiar), moving from a place you loved to accommodate funding a career, only to find yourself staring in the mirror at a person you no longer recognize.
What happened to that determined, strong, relentless Women who has always had SO much drive & ambition? Where did that strength go? Why did the motivation to fight the good ole fight not seem as prevailing? What happened to that confidence that radiated from the core of her soul when she walked into a room?
SHE NEVER LEFT!
The Universe has a funny way of breaking you down. Stripping away all the comfortable parts of yourself that you THOUGHT were vital, to rebuild you into someone that you will not recognize overnight. We shall call it, The Art of Unbecoming. You see…a Chinese bamboo tree takes FIVE YEARS to grow. It has to be watered and fertilized in the ground where it has been planted every day. After five years, once it breaks through the ground, it will grow 90 feet tall in five weeks! Breaking away from ugly parts of yourself to grow is part of the process. Strip away the comfort, plant yourself, water and fertilize yourself. Throwing self-doubt out the window and learning that faith the size of a mustard seed will grow into worth you’ve never possessed. That feeling of betray or heartache from lost relationships, was part of shedding skin that you wouldn’t benefit from wearing in the next season. That feeling of loneliness and being tired of doing things all on your own, is preparing you to value a team and partner of value. That grief you are experiencing that comes in waves will evolve through the steps leading you to a new person. Those tears you’ve cried from loss or hurt are watering and nurturing what is really meant for you. That dream you’ve always had, that ambition and drive that you’ve known for so long, the lion/lioness within yourself….IT’S ALL STILL THERE!!! Feel those emotions, let them flip your soul upside down, shake you to your core, & RISE! Five years…Five years for bamboo to grow, but once its broken ground…90 feet in just five short weeks!!
For the person reading this that is struggling in any aspect of your life. You are worthy! You are loved! You are a Strong, Confident person. You may have lost your “spark” in this moment, but it isn’t forgotten. It’s there, it has rooted itself and will rise to overcome like a Chinese bamboo. Feel that pain. It is yours. Feel that heartache. It is yours. Go through that grief. It is yours. Feel that loneliness. It is yours. What you can’t do…Is stay there!!! If you ever lose your spark, it is temporary. You will find your new self. Hope, such a small word with an enormous, powerful meaning. I hope this reaches you just when it needs to. And if you can’t find a flare gun, you can borrow mine!
XoXo,
The Hot Mess Express Single-Mom. Surviving one day at a time! Three fingers.
If you are reading this, Congratulations! You have successfully escaped 2020 alive & well. So many lives were lost in 2020, so much division, so much of our American Constitution, which our Country was founded on, has been trampled on, ripped apart & despaired. Religion and politics have paved the way for further division. Unemployment rates are on the constant rise, mental health issues contributed to 8 in 10 people reporting issues with anxiety and/or depression. We haven’t even touched the topic of mental health in our youth! Because let’s face it, they are the REAL MVP’s throughout this pandemic. According to “Mental Health America,” adolescent depression accounts at an astounding 12.4% . (Our grandparents school war stories have nothing on what our children have wrestled with this past year!!) Let’s face it, since we were introduced to five UGLY letters (COVID) that would forever change our lives, it has been a complete SHIT.SHOW!! If you have followed my blog or read with me before, you know my life isn’t fairytales and sunflowers, (nor do I try to make it seem that way). Rather, rose bed thorns and sand spur fields. Which brings me to the primary purpose of bringing you here…
Does anyone own a flare gun?! I’ve lost my spark and could use a reignite.
As a female, we are emotional creatures (SURPRISE, SURPRISE). I am a person of reflection. I love deeply & I feel deeply. If something doesn’t sit well within my soul, I try to analyze my feelings to understand what exactly I am feeling, why, and how to overcome the emotion for spiritual & personal growth. I learned when my sister died that I was allowed to feel my emotions. They are YOURS! You are allowed to navigate grief, accomplishments, relationships, boundaries, and goals all on your own….because they are yours. As adults who are ever-evolving, we seek growth. Sometimes not knowing the process of growth. Growth is hard. (Ever met people who are doing the same thing since High School?! If growth was easy, you wouldn’t be referencing those people in your head right now!) 2020 taught me many, many things. I have never in my life lost so many relationships. I set out beginning 2020 like so many other people. Setting goals, writing them down, while beginning to implement courses of actions to lead me to self-fulfilling gratification. 2020 also reintroduced me to grief. Grief is like a giant dark thief of the night. No one wants to talk about it until you have experienced it yourself. Grief is part of growth. Grief of these lost relationships, past cycles, past routines, past memories, and sometimes….Grief of losing parts of yourself.
When you lose parts of yourself, it isn’t always immediately apparent. Have you ever met a busy-body? Someone who is a “tinker,” someone who constantly has to be doing things, constantly working, constantly avoiding their primary responsibilities? The inability to sit a while with yourself is a defense mechanism to avoiding just that, sitting with yourself. Avoiding self-reflection, avoiding sitting with your silence, when it isn’t silent.
As a single, working Mom….I will NEVER forget the day in March 2020 I got the call that school systems would be closing face-to-face interaction. I was driving home and had to pull over to calm my breathing, AKA…that phone call made me hyperventilate because part of my village was being taken from my family. Little did we know at the time, that one full year later, we would still be tackling this beast! Insert real, raw, transparent daily life along the way…..HOLY COW!!! Who would’ve thought being with YOUR own children 24/7 with very little village support would weigh so heavy on one person?! Ready for another boomerang….Starting a new career in the midst of it all, struggling to find your new tribe, losing countless relationships to betrayal (and hurt that is all so familiar), moving from a place you loved to accommodate funding a career, only to find yourself staring in the mirror at a person you no longer recognize.
What happened to that determined, strong, relentless Women who has always had SO much drive & ambition? Where did that strength go? Why did the motivation to fight the good ole fight not seem as prevailing? What happened to that confidence that radiated from the core of her soul when she walked into a room?
SHE NEVER LEFT!
The Universe has a funny way of breaking you down. Stripping away all the comfortable parts of yourself that you THOUGHT were vital, to rebuild you into someone that you will not recognize overnight. We shall call it, The Art of Unbecoming. You see…a Chinese bamboo tree takes FIVE YEARS to grow. It has to be watered and fertilized in the ground where it has been planted every day. After five years, once it breaks through the ground, it will grow 90 feet tall in five weeks! Breaking away from ugly parts of yourself to grow is part of the process. Strip away the comfort, plant yourself, water and fertilize yourself. Throwing self-doubt out the window and learning that faith the size of a mustard seed will grow into worth you’ve never possessed. That feeling of betray or heartache from lost relationships, was part of shedding skin that you wouldn’t benefit from wearing in the next season. That feeling of loneliness and being tired of doing things all on your own, is preparing you to value a team and partner of value. That grief you are experiencing that comes in waves will evolve through the steps leading you to a new person. Those tears you’ve cried from loss or hurt are watering and nurturing what is really meant for you. That dream you’ve always had, that ambition and drive that you’ve known for so long, the lion/lioness within yourself….IT’S ALL STILL THERE!!! Feel those emotions, let them flip your soul upside down, shake you to your core, & RISE! Five years…Five years for bamboo to grow, but once its broken ground…90 feet in just five short weeks!!
For the person reading this that is struggling in any aspect of your life. You are worthy! You are loved! You are a Strong, Confident person. You may have lost your “spark” in this moment, but it isn’t forgotten. It’s there, it has rooted itself and will rise to overcome like a Chinese bamboo. Feel that pain. It is yours. Feel that heartache. It is yours. Go through that grief. It is yours. Feel that loneliness. It is yours. What you can’t do…Is stay there!!! If you ever lose your spark, it is temporary. You will find your new self. Hope, such a small word with an enormous, powerful meaning. I hope this reaches you just when it needs to. And if you can’t find a flare gun, you can borrow mine!
XoXo,
The Hot Mess Express Single-Mom. Surviving one day at a time! Three fingers.
On average our days as adults are not from 8-5. Our days are more from the time our feet hit the floor until the time we finally settle them. The world will continue to circle, even at nighttime we never truly rest. There’s a “white-collared” world & then there’s the “dark, sultry world.” Together, these two worlds seemingly never collide and continue the motion of our ever-revolving world.
Until the day the world stopped.
I’m not a religious person who sits on a church pew weekly, but these times we are living were recited to me as a child. The evil is all around us. Rather it be drugs, murders, infidelity, greed, slander, lack of social responsibility, fear, or living in constant anxiety of sickness. These times were recited. These times are written in a book older than each of us. Even though these messages were scripted for us all to learn, live, and repeat…HOW DOES THIS REALLY AFFECT EACH OF US?
If you are anything like me, you are worried. You are worried about how this will affect our generation, will this affect my children’s generation? You see evil all around. Within one month, I have witnessed media of many lives lost to murder, murdering, and drugs. I have witnessed media of how our economy is slowly starting to halt. You see how other Countries are shutting down and can’t help but to ask “What is to come?”
Being on the brink of entering my dream industry, I can’t help but to worry, “Will I have to wait and put this on the back burner due to economic factors?” “Will I have to homeschool my children much longer, because that isn’t a paid job.” (Insert Sarcasim and full seriousness) “How long will our world stop?” “Will My family get sick?” With each of these questions, (and I’m sure we ALL have our own set of questions/anxieties/fears we are all pondering with) comes the thought that, MAYBE, this way of thinking is part of the problem. You see, this pandemic WILL pass. It’s only a matter of time. How we handle and continue to handle this situation is what is of vitality.
Fear is crippling, fear is debilitating. It cuts you short of any type of hope you could possess. So how do we change manifesting anxieties into hope? WE CHANGE OUR PERSPECTIVE! Maybe, in all of the chaos, sickness, and madness…Our world needed this break. Maybe this break from reality will help heal our Nation, our ozone, decline climate change, stop the drugs from being made, produced. Bring all the evil darkness into light to contain and refrain from further endearments. Maybe, this is a break we all needed but were fighting because we feel the constant need to control our surroundings and how we react to situations. Maybe, instead of trying to worry about when we can get back to “normal” life, we take advantage of a mental break from exhaustion. Preparing for continuing our never-ending grind that we all sometimes complain about.
You see there is one word that is constantly used here…Maybe. This word is a word of HOPE. We’ve all thought at one time or another “I MAY fail.” You May, BUT YOU ALSO MAY SOAR! You see how that word is an oxymoron and a sign of hope all in one!! Perspective.
After April when all of this subsides, is MAY! May we all learn to change our perspective, learn to enjoy seeing so many families home, learn to relax in times of crisis instead of panic-ridden madness. May we learn to remember this moment when chronic fatigue creeps back in. May we learn to respect boundaries and not let our greed send us into hoarder mode and leave enough for ones who need it most. The elderly, the ones who are at highest risk. May we all learn to slow down a little and remember this time when we are forced to limit ourselves through time constraints. May we all never take advantage of our current health. May we all appreciate our careers we all are quick to complain about. May we all change our Perspective & view life as precious as it truly is.
Sincerely,
A Mom who has Hope in a hopelessly exhausting situation.
Remember as a kid how fun it was to stand with your arms out twirling in a circle as fast as you could? The world swirled by as you accelerated in speed. The rush kicked in, adrenaline rose and WHOA, WHAT A HIGH!! Then you attempted to walk in a straight line, only to wobble over off-balance without equilibrium. That same feeling we have all felt in our childhood innocence is exactly how I would describe adulthood today. Without the same “WHOA!”
Life for me has NEVER been simple. There has been a “rulebook” & then a book that applies to how my game will be played differently. It has never been Godspeed, rather “Girl, we are about to make you put in a LOT of work.” If I would describe life up to this point I would compare it to climbing a volcano mountain with balls of heated lava coming consistently to test my balance and strength. After so many heated balls of lava, you begin to question if it is even worth climbing that mountain. You begin to question what you were thinking even embarking on such a venture. You begin to question your strength. Your well of endurance begins to run low and tries to dry out. You get weak & that same adrenaline kicks in which makes your world swirl by faster the more you accelerate your speed. I remember asking my Dad one day WHY was nothing in my life simple….WHY was everything so tough, mentally & physically? WHY did I constantly have to put out fires every direction I turned?
His reply was simple, “Because you weren’t built that way.”
In trying times I always try to remember….You were built FOR SO MUCH MORE. Those few simple words my Dad said to me resonated with such a large unambigutious meaning. When you have put in YEARS of work and still aren’t feelings the wrath of the hard work, IT’S COMING. Lay the bricks daily and form the foundation. The walls will come later. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to scream. It’s okay to feel like you’re failing…as long as you are TRYING.
To the person who is tired and unsure of themself. To the person who has put in years of hard work & isn’t quite seeing the immediate results you wish to see. To the person playing both roles in the household. To the person grinding daily, just waiting for their “break.” To the person who feels like giving up isn’t an option, but it’s a nice brief thought. To the person just beginning their journey. To the person who hasn’t found the strength to start their journey. I have one word for you.
CRY THOSE TEARS, GET SOME REST, & FIND YOUR GRIT!!! Take your reins and show that bull who’s boss. If life were easy, then life wouldn’t amount to much. Ever noticed how easily some people become “simpletons?” Want to know why? Because it takes 0 effort to become comfortable in a life that requires little effort to float through. If you’re anything like me, that idea of life doesn’t resonate easily. Don’t become complacent. Become SO UNCOMPLACENT until you are able to reach back and lend a helping hand to the next.
In the words of my precious Daddy…“YOU WEREN’T BUILT THAT WAY!” Don’t confuse frustration and discouragement for failure. Keep going friend, gain those reins and find that GRIT that distinguishes YOU from the REST!
I have always heard pay close attention to the people who don’t clap for you when you win. It’s a harsh reality that sucks to realize who’s not clapping. It’s an even worse realization when it’s the people who you want more than anything to clap for you.
As an adult, anxiety is a real life thing. Like who the hell does not have functional anxiety?!! Life pressures, responsibilities, children, work, trying to balance it all….IS HARD! Here comes the holidays and BOOM!!! HELLO FANCY ANXIETY! Dressed up so beautifully and presentable to help you get through the holidays. Let’s face it….Some families are (picture) perfect! Beautifully pictured, put together so nicely, and should be sitting with Joanna Gaines. Some families relate more with The Addams Family! Other families dread this time of the year because it’s like a full moon+mental institution released all the crazies into the night=A COMPLETE SHIT SHOW!
I’ve had the recent experience of learning why it is OKAY to say NO, after many years of experiencing complete exhaustion after the holidays. Family has the ability to drain you, unrealistic expectations arise, and if there was any problems throughout the year with each other…NOW IS THE TIME THEY ARE GOING TO COME UP!
I realized a few years ago after Holidays, I was utterly drained leaving events. I enjoyed spending time with family but like any other family, I DO NOT care to be disccected and explain who I am to one soul. I mention many times how 30 was a pivotal moment in my life for many reasons. What I have failed to mention is exactly why this age was such a huge moment in life for me. I lost my oldest, kindest sister at 30. She was just 10-years older than I and was MY SWEETHEART! With the great loss, came greater feelings. Feelings that I was no longer the “little” girl to my living siblings, feelings that I would no longer allow anyone to push me around, no longer allow people to tell me what I should or should not feel. No longer allow people to make me feel any less of a person because of my personal preferences and choices in life. The loss of my sister allowed me to gain confidence to say NO!
Fast-forward to present day. Okay, we’ve made it to the end of November. No major altercations with family all year, small chit-chat here and there, and I’m ready to host Thanksgiving for my small tribe at home. Sounds simple, right? It should have been. After many days of a family member asking me to cancel my plans for their personal preference, I said “No, that isn’t what I want to do.” Here comes the question no one really wants to hear the answer to…”Why don’t you want to come?” HELLO HONESTY! I do not choose to sit at a table where I have felt judgment for so many years.
As adults, if you ask questions you may or may not want to know the answer to….You have the choice to agree to disagree and move on. You have the right to not focus your time or energy in places that make you feel uneasy inside. That Fancy Anxiety! Sometimes, for some or most people, holidays are hard. They are days you wish you could sleep through, fast-forward, put on a “fake it until you make it” smile, and just get it over with already days. If someone does not want to sit at your table…RESPECT THEIR WISHES! After this conversation I had with this particular family member, I reflected on it and thought of the multitude of things that went wrong or should have been avoided. Things were said that were said in judgement of who I was over 8 years ago! EEEKKKK!!! Seriously, that was like 5 versions of me ago! So not only does this person not recognize who I am as a person today, this person sees me for past failures instead of what it took to rise above that situation. JUDGEMENT! You see, you have to be careful what you say when your heart is hard, because your tongue will lead with haste. You can’t recover a stone once it has been thrown. You will regret saying nasty words to someone a lot longer than you will remember that empty chair at your dinner table.
AS ADULTS YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL EVERY. SINGLE. FN. EMOTION YOU FEEL. YOU ARE ENTITLED TO YOUR FEELINGS. YOU ARE ENTITLED TO PROTECT YOUR ENERGY AND PRESERVE YOUR INNER PEACE. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE AROUND PEOPLE WHO PASS JUDGEMENT JUST BECAUSE YOU SHARE COMMON DNA! YOU ARE ENTITLED TO BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE AS AN ADULT AND WHO YOU HAVE OUTGROWN. NOT EVERYONE DESERVES THE NEW VERSION OF YOU.
Before a butterfly becomes, it is a caterpillar. Slow, not the prettiest, prickly, rough around the edges. It goes into its cocoon and emerges with beauty, with grace, limitless, ready to take flight. The branch that allowed this butterfly to cocoon isn’t the enemy, rather a staple to the growth of the beauty emerged. Growth and family are the same. Just because a family member needed you more when they were vulnerable, does not mean you can treat them the same way when they have grown their wings. It’s a new version of them. Shift your perspective to embrace the new. For each of you. If you continually remind a person who they were years before, you are hindering relationships. RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE TO AGREE TO DISAGREE!
Who are we to judge people for who they were? Who are we to judge people for who they are not? Life is simple. BE KIND! If you don’t agree with someone, AGREE TO DISAGREE. If someone tells you they want to stay home for the holidays, RESPECT THEIR WISHES! If you do not care for how someone is raising their child, WORRY ABOUT RAISING YOUR OWN! If you are worried about how the “Jones” are financing anything, WORRY ABOUT YO’SELF! Moral of this post. No one lives in a glass house, and if you do a bird could shit and burst your windows!
DO NOT GO AROUND TRYING TO STEAL PEOPLE’S JOY! If you do, there are probably many ugly elements within yourself that are stealing your own joy.
Feel the pain, embrace the pain, release the pain. Stop being an ugly bitch! No one likes ugly bitches!
Sincerely,
Someone who loves you, but loves and respects me more.
I have friend’s who are married. Friends who are separated and friends who want a divorce. Friends who just had their first child after many years of not being able to conceive. Friends who are single (ME, that would be ME) and are waiting on their Unicorn. I have overly optimistic friends, “fake it until you make it” friends,”eeyore” friends, friends who always need a pick-me-up and friends who I can always count on to pick me up. These friends who I speak of all have one thing in common. They are my group of Women!
Want to know the one thing me and these women all have in common? WE ARE JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE & THRIVE! I never have fit in with those Mom’s who think they shit rainbows and fairy dust. Want to know the women I vibe with? Women who are real, who aren’t afraid to admit their kids are assholes, women who are vulnerable when needed. Women with backbones of steel who rise to slay. Women whose only judgment passed onto one another is whether our eyeliner from the night before is presentable for morning soccer matches. THESE ARE MY WOMEN. Empowering, nonjudgemental, real, raw, and effortlessly genuine.
I became a Mom at the age of 20 and struggled with finding “friends” who accepted me as I was. With a newborn, my parents who were married for 30+ years going through a divorce, my family divided, I couldn’t find a stable bone in my body, and I loved to party! Having a newborn and partying don’t mix right? Well, it was my coping mechanism. During this time I learned these “friends” I strived so hard to “fit in” with would not matter one bit to my 30 year old self. I wanted acceptance. I wanted to fit it. I wanted to be like the other girls. It wasn’t until many years later I recognized, I was not born to fit in! The 20’s are hard years. You are so unsure of yourself. You haven’t quite figured out where exactly you are supposed to fit in, who you are or who you were meant to be. It wasn’t until I was approaching 30 that I truly started to feel comfortable in my skin, my decisions in life, and the road I had begun to pave. It was nothing but a dirt road for almost a decade. The only pebbles on that road were from mud puddles that harden to replicate a rock, only to dissipate into dust.
Fastforward to 30 and WOAH! HELLO SISTER! I AM WOMEN, HEAR ME ROAR! I see so much beauty in women. We are a juggler of trades, we are CEO’s of our own committee, we are so many roles wrapped into one person. Yet, we doubt ourselves, we down our bodies, we don’t feel as if we are enough. Let me tell you! As women, YOU are more than enough. Our bodies MAKE HUMANS! Remember the saying “Lions, and Tigers, and Bears, Oh my!” That is us. That is a Woman. We are a lion, a tiger, and a bear. We are soft yet hard, sensitive yet aggressive, protectors, nurturers, shields and staples.
With this being said, do not walk into a room and wonder if the other moms will “like you.” Walk into that room and wonder if you will like them! As women, it is our job to empower each other, raise each other up, be raw with our struggles, promote one another, and push one another to be the best mom/person we can. When you’re out in public and see a Mom struggling with her small child or a teenager lagging behind her, give her a small smile and a three finger salute. As women, we should stick together, knowing we are all just trying to survive and thrive.
It’s taken me a long time to realize, I do not want to blend in a crowd. I do not care to sit with the Judgie Judys on the sidelines. I am not your Pampered Chef Paula, your DIY Brenda, or your Etsy Susanne. I have lots of tattoos, I cuss, and I give my children unlimited screen time while I work. I am a women who is exhausted, who’s kids are assholes (some days), and a mom who thanks the Lord above for whomever created dry shampoo. Trying to embrace life, one day at a time.
I do not want to sit with the mean girls! But you can always sit with me.
Imagine this, you’re walking through your home barefoot, that chair you think isn’t so far away is closer than it seems. You stump your toe. OUCH! Immediately you get ANGRY, say a few colorful words and sit there until the pain is gone. Right? We’ve all experienced this pain multiple times. If you’re anything like me, its more frequent than the latter. Equilibrium is not my friend most days. Now use this same analogy and let’s take it a little deeper.
We must embrace pain and burn it as our fuel for our journey.
-Kenji Miyazawa
I used to think for the largest part of my adulthood my childhood sucked. Apparently I’ve lived in a bubble thus far because after talking with other people, my childhood wasn’t too terrible. I used to think about relationships I have experienced or didn’t get the chance of experiencing and get ANGRY. When these people would come into my life, anger would suffice. It didn’t dawn on me until I got older, the childhood experiences we encounter are NOT YOUR DEFINING MOMENTS! Those 16-18 years you room with your parents and siblings does not have to determine how your adult relationships will flow. Those years do not determine if you will or will not succeed. Those years do not determine the type of spouse you will choose for yourself or your children. If those years were not a positive experience, this does not give you the right to hurt other people because “that’s how you were raised.” You have a few choices. 1. You either let those moments DEFINE you and decide to change and do better, knowing better. 2. You let those moments CRIPPLE you and become a product of your environment. 3. You were given such an amazing childhood experience and have no healing to go through. If this is the case, I applaud your parents for hiding things so well!!!
I mentioned as an adult I would still get angry when people who hurt me came around. I walked around with a chip on my shoulder around them because “how dare they hurt me and get away with it?” The thing is, when people are angry, they are hurting. This anger is projected on sometimes everyone around them with a mentality of “I’m hurt, I want you to feel what I feel.” AHH! (RUN) So this is where a fine line of art and science come in. If someone hurts you, FORGIVE THEM! Even if you aren’t forgiving them for them, forgive them for yourself. I remember one whole year of my life I was SO hurt from many different relationships. It was a weight. A heavy one. I didn’t know how to process these feelings, so everyday I told myself to release the hurt. To forgive. Not for them, but for me. This is the pivotal moment you have to ask, is this pain self-inflicted or inflicted? That person isn’t feeling your pain and you aren’t feeling theirs. I’ve always heard “love knows no boundaries.” Love does know boundaries. Love is the foundation of boundaries.
I try to teach my children about emotions. Wylin’ Wyatt has SO many emotions that change on a dime. His most common expressions are crying, whining, or telling me he isn’t playing with me anymore. This last exactly 1.4 minutes. My oldest son, Tristan bottles emotions up. He’s a tough shell, hard to read, doesn’t talk about what hurts him. I tell my children when they are hurt….FEEL THE PAIN. Allow yourself to feel it. Let it run through your veins like a waterfall. Do not let that pain overcome you. Embrace it, and let it go.
I’m no philosopher. I’m FAR FROM PERFECT. We’ve established I SUCK at choosing the right partner, however, I’m a human who loves love. A healthy love. Love that awakens your soul and makes you shine from within. Love that makes you become the best version of yourself. Some relationships are far from being reprimandable. Practice the art of forgiveness, not for them, but for you! If all else fails, drink your way through the holidays and fake it until you make it!
Sincerely,
An overly optimistic girl who forgives more than she should, from knowing deep pain that didn’t harden me.
We often hear about this thing called “work-life” balance. If you’re anything like me, Google is one of your best friends. According to Google, this Unicorn term is described as “Areas of life other then work-life can include personal interests, family and social or leisure activities.” So basically, you are supposed to balance living, maintaining social relationships, work, cleaning a home, feeding small children, exercise, mediate, and do fun things! Whew! WHO THE F ACTUALLY HAS TIME FOR ALL OF THIS?! If you’re anything like me, you struggle. I mean not just I burnt the toast struggle, but STRAIGHT STRUGGLE. Some days, I have to set an alarm to pick my kids up from school. Most days I roll out of bed 10 minutes before it’s time to leave the house. In fact, I’m currently sandwiched between two small beings writing this. So let me take the time to introduce myself!
My name is Anna. I have been a single mom since the ripe age of 20! Twelve years later, I have two boys and what do you know…STILL A SINGLE MOM! Apparently I didn’t get it right the first time so I decided the second time is a charm. WRONG! As if I didn’t get a full dose with the first, the second comes out like a banshee ready for war since day one. If you have multiple children I’m sure you have heard of the “second child syndrome.” I am here to inform you, this is NOT a myth. My first child was my saving grace, still is. He is a helper, emphatic, in tune with my emotions, quiet when needed, and truly my buddy. Could not do life without him. Fast-forward 8 years and the shit show starts. The second one was born a freaking viking, chiming in conversations before he could even talk, gets disgruntled when he lacks attention and is NEVER quiet. His name is such an oxymoron with quiet….Wyatt. So after both children I learned a few things. 1. I am in fact 100% done having children. 2. My taste in men SUCK. Like I will be a cat lady before I settle for another narcissistic man. 3. I am tired ALL the time. 4. Without those men and those children, I wouldn’t know strength.
So this work-life balance Unicorn word. Where is it? How do you get there? Where is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? When my youngest child, (you’ll often hear me refer to him as Wylin’ Wyatt) was six weeks old, I decided to go back to school. It was my 500th time trying, but I was determined to succeed. My life went from shenanigans to a complete shit show. I had a major meltdown in my friends yard one night after I felt “worthless” with two small children and no stability. I sobbed to her how I had wasted 28 years of my life. I was at rock bottom. Like an ostrich, I stuck my head in the sand and started working. Four and a half years later, one Associate degree under my belt, three weeks from obtaining a Bachelors, I understand it isn’t the hand you were dealt. It’s how you play those cards. People often ask me “how do you do it?” The truth is. I.DON’T.KNOW. What I do know is, you don’t ask how you’ll do it. You just do it! I forget my children at school, I feed them dry cereal for dinner, I don’t have much of a social life (its okay because I don’t like people), I cuss, I lock myself OUT of my house to get a breather. I have given each of my children fancy iPads to babysit them so I could study or write. I have been judged for not doing more with them. I feed my children McDonalds chicken nuggets that I’m sure are 120% artificial chicken (with LOTS OF GMOS).
Let’s face it. LIFE’S HARD. My decisions in MEN SUCK. SINGLE MOMMING IS INTENSE. But, at the end of the day….We’re happy, we’re a unit, we’re Ohana. So if you’re a single mom and you feel like you’re failing…pat yourself on the back girlfriend! We are all doing great at feeling like we suck.
To the single mom, to the mom expecting, the want-to-be moms who can’t conceive, the divorced mom, the mom on food stamps, the widowed mom, the separated mom, the married mom, the mom with too many children, the mom with good children and the mom with bad children. Give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack. Don’t worry about HOW you will do it. Because TRUST ME, YOU WILL DO IT! Work-life balance is a Unicorn, but YOU sister are wearing the horn!
This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.
You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.
Why do this?
Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.
The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.
To help you get started, here are a few questions:
Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
What topics do you think you’ll write about?
Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?
You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.
Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.
When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.
The Ugly Truth 