Imagine this, you’re walking through your home barefoot, that chair you think isn’t so far away is closer than it seems. You stump your toe. OUCH! Immediately you get ANGRY, say a few colorful words and sit there until the pain is gone. Right? We’ve all experienced this pain multiple times. If you’re anything like me, its more frequent than the latter. Equilibrium is not my friend most days. Now use this same analogy and let’s take it a little deeper.

We must embrace pain and burn it as our fuel for our journey.

-Kenji Miyazawa

I used to think for the largest part of my adulthood my childhood sucked. Apparently I’ve lived in a bubble thus far because after talking with other people, my childhood wasn’t too terrible. I used to think about relationships I have experienced or didn’t get the chance of experiencing and get ANGRY. When these people would come into my life, anger would suffice. It didn’t dawn on me until I got older, the childhood experiences we encounter are NOT YOUR DEFINING MOMENTS! Those 16-18 years you room with your parents and siblings does not have to determine how your adult relationships will flow. Those years do not determine if you will or will not succeed. Those years do not determine the type of spouse you will choose for yourself or your children. If those years were not a positive experience, this does not give you the right to hurt other people because “that’s how you were raised.” You have a few choices. 1. You either let those moments DEFINE you and decide to change and do better, knowing better. 2. You let those moments CRIPPLE you and become a product of your environment. 3. You were given such an amazing childhood experience and have no healing to go through. If this is the case, I applaud your parents for hiding things so well!!!

I mentioned as an adult I would still get angry when people who hurt me came around. I walked around with a chip on my shoulder around them because “how dare they hurt me and get away with it?” The thing is, when people are angry, they are hurting. This anger is projected on sometimes everyone around them with a mentality of “I’m hurt, I want you to feel what I feel.” AHH! (RUN) So this is where a fine line of art and science come in. If someone hurts you, FORGIVE THEM! Even if you aren’t forgiving them for them, forgive them for yourself. I remember one whole year of my life I was SO hurt from many different relationships. It was a weight. A heavy one. I didn’t know how to process these feelings, so everyday I told myself to release the hurt. To forgive. Not for them, but for me. This is the pivotal moment you have to ask, is this pain self-inflicted or inflicted? That person isn’t feeling your pain and you aren’t feeling theirs. I’ve always heard “love knows no boundaries.” Love does know boundaries. Love is the foundation of boundaries.

I try to teach my children about emotions. Wylin’ Wyatt has SO many emotions that change on a dime. His most common expressions are crying, whining, or telling me he isn’t playing with me anymore. This last exactly 1.4 minutes. My oldest son, Tristan bottles emotions up. He’s a tough shell, hard to read, doesn’t talk about what hurts him. I tell my children when they are hurt….FEEL THE PAIN. Allow yourself to feel it. Let it run through your veins like a waterfall. Do not let that pain overcome you. Embrace it, and let it go.

I’m no philosopher. I’m FAR FROM PERFECT. We’ve established I SUCK at choosing the right partner, however, I’m a human who loves love. A healthy love. Love that awakens your soul and makes you shine from within. Love that makes you become the best version of yourself. Some relationships are far from being reprimandable. Practice the art of forgiveness, not for them, but for you! If all else fails, drink your way through the holidays and fake it until you make it!

Sincerely,

An overly optimistic girl who forgives more than she should, from knowing deep pain that didn’t harden me.